Keep Fighting

I've always been known as a "fighter". No, I don't mean I always get in fist fights or constant arguments. It's because I always fight to overcome what ever is thrown my way. My earliest memory of this was when I was in 1st grade. All of the kids were showing their report cards to our bus driver. She was giving out praises to all of the kids and how great their grades were. I stood in line and waited for my turn. She looked at mine and crushed me. She said my reading grade wasn't good at all and that I shouldn't have a grade like that. That makes sense because I didn't care for reading. It's not that I didn't have the basic foundational reading skills. It just wasn't important to me. I don't remember exactly what the grade was but apparently it was bad. That very day I went and grabbed my twin sister's books, the kind with large letters and only a few words per page, and began putting those foundational reading skills to work. I read her books and the next day went to the library and checked out more. It was no time that I was reading.

This is not uncommon for me. If you tell me I can't do something it pushes me to do it even more. I don't like to be told it's impossible. Even things I can't control. Like when we were told we couldn't get pregnant. Ever. It was one of the hardest things for me to hear. It crushed my entire world. My motto was "If you work hard enough you can make anything happen." I was very humbled by that experience and had to learn to fully rely on God. There was no way I could fix our infertility problems. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I learned to trust God with everything I had and guess what? We have two beautiful little boys. With all of this said, I feel like I am in that same sort of situation. I have done everything I know to do with Jacob. I feel like we are on the right track but still haven't quite figured out the  real reason this is going on. I do feel like it is milk but maybe even something more that is causing this. We have been off all milk products for almost 2 weeks. His skin will start to look really good but then it flares up big time. That tells me it is something besides just milk. I am anxious to get our test results back. It will show any allergies and sensitivities. We should be getting those back next week. I am broken and exhausted. I have done everything I can and have worked so hard. Why are we not seeing the results I expected. That's when I realized I have to give this up entirely to God. Just like I did when we were told we couldn't get pregnant. I have to Pray for wisdom on what to do and trust that He is going to take care of our little boy. We are so close to getting this figured out but I still feel like there is a piece of the puzzle missing. Not having complete control of a situation is tough for me. Ask anyone who knows me. Anyone. They will shake their head yes and agree wholeheartedly.

It is hard see your little boy hurting. It is hard to see other parents look at him like he has a horrible disease like leoparsy. It's hard to hear someone minimize it and act like you are crazy. To tell you it's just because "it's dry in West Texas". Really lady? It's hard to hear your 3 year old say "I just want to like my skin. I don't like it because it hurts me." It's hard to see your  little guy wake you up at 3 am crying because he hurts so bad. But you know what doesn't hurt? Hearing that one morning he walked up to a mom, who he knew was bring cupcakes later that afternoon,"My mom made me special cookies so I'll be ok." It was completely on his own. That makes a mom proud. That is pretty spectacular for a 3 year old if you ask me. You know what else doesn't make me sad? That we are getting this opportunity to teach Jacob that it is ok to be different. That when he tells me he doesn't want kids making fun of him, we can teach him how to be strong and to teach him that it truly doesn't matter what other people think. I am also not sad because the family as a whole is becoming healthier. We aren't able to grab quick dinners from fast food because there is nothing Jacob can have. I am forced to make breakfast every morning because grabbing a pop tart would send his skin into a complete frenzy. I am also not sad because we are able to teach him lots of life lessons right now that is going to make him stronger and confident in himself. We go through trials to make us stronger. If you choose to persevere and not give up you will come out a better person and can help others learn from what you have been through.

As I said before, I am a fighter and I will continue to fight through this. I will continue to fight for my kid. As a family, we will make it through this exhausting time and will be stronger for it. Please continue to pray for sweet Jacob. He is a trooper and I am so proud of him.